Monday, March 5, 2012

Writer Campaign - Second Challenge

It's time for the 2nd Writer Campaign Challenge. Here are all the rules and choices. I put a "check" in red against those that I chose to do. If you'd like to take a look at the original post at Rachel Harrie's, please go here
My flash and pitch are below the prompts and rules.

Prompt 1: Check

Two people are sitting together under the remains of a concrete bridge. Their backs are against a rusted bridge support. One person’s leg is cut. The other person has wet hair.

Prompt 2: Check


(Source)
Prompt 3 No

(Source)
Prompt 4 No

(Source)
Prompt 5 No



Do one or more of the following:


  1. Write a pitch/logline for a book based on the prompts (less than 100 words) Check
  2. Write a short story/flash fiction piece of less than 200 words based on the prompts Check
  3. Write a poem with a twist using the prompts as inspiration (in less than 200 words)
  4. Write a story/poem in five sentences, each sentence based on one of the prompts
  5. Write a poem/flash fiction piece (in less than 200 words) about the water pear *without* using the words “pear”, “spoon”, or “droplet”. 
For added difficulty/challenge:
  • Complete at least three of the above activities and tie them all together with a common theme (feel free to either state the theme in your post or leave us to guess what it might be)
  • Write in a genre that is not your own Check
  • Ask Challenge entrants to critique your writing. After the Challenge closes, you may wish to re-post your revised piece(s), and I’ll include a Linky List at the bottom of this post for those wishing more feedback on their revisions (note: revised entries will not be judged, so please label clearly your original post and your revisions. Please do not offer critique unless someone asks for it, as per the usual blogging conventions. If you do ask for critique, make sure you ask for it clearly so people know you want it, and please be prepared to receive feedback that may not be 100% glowing. If you are a critiquer, please be tactful and courteous, and remember to provide positives as well as negatives.) Check
My flash fiction piece is 199 words. Please critique it so I can make it better if I can.


The freezing wind gave me a chill that I was sure would never leave me again. I got drenched when the bomb exploded and the bridge collapsed. I was lucky though, I barely had a scratch on me. My assigned partner, Greg, wasn’t so lucky. I dragged his unconscious body and propped it against a rusted bridge support that left an orangey streak on Greg’s clothes. Among other things, I was trained as a first aid medical nurse. Within the resistance movement, everyone had multiple roles – we couldn’t afford not to. Greg had a deep cut on his left leg. I shuddered and poured the peroxide I had in my bag, and bandaged the wound the best I could, hoping it was enough. I leaned against the other side of the support beam and allowed myself to close my eyes for just a quick minute. An image of my child, dressed in a red coat and running along the promenade, flashed in my mind - the last time I saw her before joining the resistance against the Nazis. I had to get back to her. I had to, I thought as I finally heard the sound of familiar voices.


Pitch for the book (95 words):
When her husband was captured and killed by the Nazi forces, Anna knew the only thing she could do for herself and her child was to join the resistance. With the child safe with her relatives abroad, Anna threw herself body and soul into the fight. She never thought she would find love again, much less with a fellow resistance fighter. But when Greg was assigned as her partner, he taught her that there’s still much to live for. Now, Anna also fights to preserve this love and get them both back to her daughter.

It was interesting to write in a genre that I usually don't write in. I had fun with this.

68 comments:

  1. And so begins your career in Historical Fiction. :) Well done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha :D It was interesting to try.
      I wish I had more time to do something with all the prompts and rules but had to do this quickly over half hour of lunch so... lol

      Delete
  2. Very intriguing! You painted the scene nicely--I was put right there in the moment. Sounds like an intense story!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you :) Who knows...maybe one day I'll actually write the full story if it stays in my head. Now that I got it, I'm curious to maybe expand on it.

      Delete
  3. I love it when a character can find love again, even after a tragedy...
    Thanks for visiting my entry :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It will always be a timeless thheme :)

      Delete
  4. I liked this, it really put me in the space of the piece and made me want to know more about the characters. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think this is a story you could develop into a full length novel! Good job! I'm entry #5.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Nancy! I'm starting to consider that. In any case, I'll put it into my idea folder :) Off to read your entry.

      Delete
  6. Living in a country that was occupied by the Nazis, this really hits home for me. There is a bunker not far from where I live. Did you find it difficult to write in the first person? My problem is always too many I's, and more telling then showing but I enjoyed your entry very much and I think it has good potential for more. This was a difficult challenge and fitting everything we want to say with so few words is not an easy task. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! :)
      I came from Russia, and I'm Jewish and much of my childhood was spent learning about the WWII and Holocaust. What country do you live in?
      I'm starting to write more and more in the 1st person. It's hard to get it right, but it's fun and makes the story more personal if done right.

      Delete
  7. Simply put-loved it. Off to vote for you :-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Very nice job! This is also one of the historic eras I write about, so I'd definitely read this if it were made into a full book. My entry, #37, is also set during WWII.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! :) It's definitely an interesting period to write about. Off to read your entry.

      Delete
  9. Very nice! The pitch was so well written! Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I really liked your pitch.. very concise and yet tells the story completely. Impressive. Bottle that up and I'll buy a few from you. :)

    Kevin (#19)

    ReplyDelete
  11. That's a pitch for a story I would definitely read :-)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Nice pitch! Very well written!

    ReplyDelete
  13. love on a battlefield, great job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love the idea that no matter what the circumstances, there's always a chance for love.
      Thank you :)

      Delete
  14. I enjoyed this entry very much. It tugged at me heart.
    Now, for your critique - are you sure you want it? I'm ruthless. And, darn it all, if my strike-throughs didn't transfer to the comment box. grrr. I'll make it as clear as I can...

    (GWS = Goes without saying / not necessary for clarity)

    The freezing wind gave me a chill /that/CUT I was sure would never leave[.] /me again/GWS. I got drenched when the bomb exploded and the bridge collapsed. [Consider a less passive: ‘A bomb had exploded, collapsing the bridge and drenching me.’ Or even start with the bomb: ‘A/The bomb exploded, collapsing the bridge and drenching me. The freezing chill...’ And use the non-specific ‘A’ unless she had foreknowledge of/set the bomb.] I was lucky[,] though*,[*comma splice – should be period and new sentence] I barely had a scratch on me. My assigned partner, *Greg, wasn’t so lucky. I dragged *his [*Consider changing ‘his’ to ‘Greg’s’ so you can pull his name out of the previous sentence and tighten it up/smooth the flow. 'My assigned partner wasn’t so lucky. I dragged Greg's unconscious body...'] unconscious body [where/from where? (parallel structure)] and propped it against a rusted bridge support that left an orangey streak on Greg’s clothes. Among other things, I was trained as a first aid /medical/GWS nurse [and, really, ‘first aid’ GWS, too. If she’s a nurse, it’s a given. If she’s not a registered nurse (or LPN) then simply go with ‘I was trained in first aid.’ -says the career RN who studied hard and sat for state boards. LOL] Within the resistance movement, everyone had multiple roles – we couldn’t afford not to. [This isn’t a huge deal (and I know you had a killer word limit), but this was a tiny bit of a leap. Bring our focus back to his leg first – like ‘I spread apart the ragged tear in Greg’s pants. He had a deep...’] Greg had a deep cut on his left leg. I shuddered and poured the peroxide I had in my bag, and/then bandaged the wound the best I could, hoping it was enough. I leaned against the other side of the /support/GWS beam and /allowed myself to/CUT close[d]my eyes /for just a quick minute/GWS [-and doesn’t seem to fit the imagery following it – too quick IMHO. You’ll tug at my heart more if I see her lingering on the image of her child. ; )]. An image of my child, dressed in a red coat and running along the promenade, flashed in my mind - the last time I saw her before joining the resistance against the Nazis. I had to get back to her. I had to[.], I *thought [*Filter word. I’d cut it and just describe what happened. ‘I opened my eyes at the sound of familiar voices.’ Or something like that.] as I finally heard the sound of familiar voices.

    All in all, a nice piece. You just need to fix a few PUGS issues and tighten the writing. (PUGS = Punctuation, usage, grammar & spelling) Good work!!!

    Melissa Maygrove #14

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Melissa. Thank you so much for your critique! I'll fix it up a bit following your suggestions. This is very helpful.

      Delete
    2. You're welcome. I'm glad you found it helpful. And remember - it's one person's opinion. You have the final say. ; )

      Delete
  15. Yep, this has "full story" written all over it! (Pun intended!). Liza (#30)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) Thank you. Going to check out yours!

      Delete
  16. Wow, Yelena. Awesome story. I did mine on war also. I guess the pictures bring that story out. Great story and great pitch. I like! Can't wait to read them all. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment on mine.

    ReplyDelete
  17. How fun, I love your pitches! I wish I could have participated in the Campaign this go around but I've been crazy busy. I shall have to live vicariously through you. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have so much on your plate! :)
      This is the first time I'm participating and I'm having so much fun.

      Delete
  18. I'm impressed that you wrote this in half hour. I don't know what your normal genre is but as I read this I thought good fiction - guess it is historical - anything longer than yesterday seems to be. I see someone critiqued this already - I didn't really find any major flaws. Oh yea, I wrote in a different genre too and it does make one want to go back and give the story more flesh
    sue #48

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) Thank you! My normal genre is urban fantasy so this was a departure. Will go check out your entry now.

      Delete
  19. The pitch is good. I feel that would make a marketable story. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wow, Yelena. Beautiful and touching. I felt what she was going through. Sigh. Loved the pitch. Occasionally, I enjoy a good historical fiction. I may just like this one just as much. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, thank you Julia, I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it.

      Delete
  21. Historical fiction, talk about being out of your genre! I love Anna's story though. Your pitch is excellent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Gwen! Yes, this was a departure from what I usually write, but it was fun to try.

      Delete
  22. This is very well-written. I would definitely be interested in reading more if you did make a book out of the pitch.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm a sucker for this time period. Very cool. The problem and goal is there and everything. Nice one!

    As for a critique, the best I can offer is a suggestion to break it up into paragraphs instead of a wall of text. There are enough ideas that would have a greater impact by giving them their own paragraph. That's all from me. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. David, that is an excellent suggestion. I usually do that, not sure why I didn't this time :)

      Delete
  24. Great premise here! Sounds like a fun story!

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is a great idea - I love how many people just felt historical fiction. I love this time period - can't get enough.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Tasha! Yes, I noticed that a lot of people did historical fiction this time around :)

      Delete
  26. It added an extra dimension once I realised it was set during the war. You painted a picture really well. Sounds like it would be a good book too. And nice to end on a hopeful note!

    ReplyDelete
  27. So good. I can't believe you don't write in this genre, it's a natural for you. Nice end.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, thank you Traci. I have considered writing historical fiction, but when I think of doing that, I usually think middle ages/renaissance or ancient times. This story just swam up though :)

      Delete
  28. This was a really cool story. I want to read more. :0)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Bravo for your historical fiction piece! From the opening line to the last, very well done. You also hooked me on your pitch. Writing pitches are so hard for me and you make it look easy. (:

    Also, I wanted to let you know you've been tagged in the Lucky 7 Meme! I've got more info about it on my site elisefallson.blogspot.com Can't wait to sample more of your writing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, thank you Elise.
      And thank you of thinking of me for the meme! I got tagged by another writer as well, and will do a post probably next week, if not earlier :)

      Delete
  30. Very compelling. Great job. I want to know more about Anna.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Congrats for moving out of your comfort zone! I'm a little intrigued, though I don't read much historical myself.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...